How To Leave A Domestic Violence Relationship

Escaping an abusive relationship is hard, particularly if children are involved. It is however essential for both you and your children!

Deciding to leave a violent relationship is difficult and not a decision that is easy to make. You want to leave but there are many obstacles that make this choice seem near impossible.
The most common hurdle is fear, for you and your child’s safety! You are scared about taking the next steps and the ramifications that may follow; this is completely understandable given your current situation. This is why knowing how to leave a domestic violence relationship safely is crucial.

Must do’s for a safe escape

You have reached the point where you cannot take the abuse anymore but don’t know what to do next. This step by step guide will help you take the first of many steps to your reclaiming independence.

1. Seek legal advice

Before you do anything, seek legal advice. They will be able to tell you exactly what you need to do in order to protect yourself. This is particularly important if children are involved. It isn’t uncommon for the abuser to use your children as leverage to get you to return. If you take the advised steps from your legal team and/or local police, you will not have this concern. They will also be able to put you in touch with emergency accommodation and DV groups. For Legal Aid advice click here for further information.

2. DVO

Get a Domestic Violence Order (commonly known as DVO). While this may aggravate the situation, it is essential. This allows police to keep an eye out and it will also help you should you be required to go to court. For more information on how to obtain a DVO click here.

3. Where will you go?

This is the question that scares most victims into staying. You may have been alienated from your family and friends and feel you have no one to lean on. This is a time of need and you don’t have to do it alone. If you have a good friend or family close by; stay with them until you can sort out alternative accommodation.

If you are living away from relatives; contact your local Salvation Army or other emergency accommodation provider. The Salvos help more than 2000 women escape violent relationships each year by providing them with refuge accommodation and on-going support. The Salvation Army details can be found here: http://www.salvationarmy.org.au/find-help/domestic-violence/.

4. Have a plan

Victims of domestic violence do not always have the luxury of having time to plan when and how they will leave. If you can, make a plan of where you will go and how you will respond to your partner’s calls and persistence.
If you feel your life is in imminent danger, get out now! Don’t leave it until it is too late.

5. Money

• If possible, start saving little bits of money when you can. This is easier said than done as most abusers know where every dollar is being spent. This is another way they maintain control and make it difficult for you to leave. For those fleeing and saving isn’t possible, the government offers crisis payments to those who are planning to or have left violent relationships. See more information here.

• Open up a bank account in your name only, with another bank you don’t use together. This eliminates any chance of your partner getting your personal details, including address or money.

• Call your bank and put a hold on all home loan redraws. While this is not something you would think of doing in the moment of leaving, it is smart for long term.

6. Privacy and safety

• Cancel your childcare and change schools if possible. This is to ensure your partner does not come and take the children out of school as a way to regain control.

• Change passwords and privacy settings on everything!

Far too many people suffer from domestic violence and the number of sufferers is only rising. The stats shown below from the Australian Bureau of Statistics are just terrifying.

Fleeing a domestic violence relationship takes strength, bravery and patience. This is why good support is essential. Please remember that regardless what you are told; it is not your fault and you are not to blame!

For support and domestic violence helplines see the numbers below.

If your life in immediate danger call – 000

National Domestic Violence (24 hours): 1800 737 732
Lifeline: 131 114
• QLD – Domestic Violence Telephone Service – 1800 811 811
• NSW – Domestic Violence Line – 1800 65 64 63
• VIC – safe steps Family Violence Response Centre – 1800 015 188
• ACT – Domestic Violence Crisis Service – 02 6280 0900
• SA – Domestic Violence Helpline – 1300 782 200
• WA – Women’s Domestic Violence Helpline – 1800007 339 & Crisis Care – 1800 199 00808
• NT – Domestic Violence Crisis Line – 1800 019 116
• TAS – Family Violence Counselling and Support Service – 1800 608 122 or Family Violence Response & Referral – 1800 633 937

For more helplines visit http://www.whiteribbon.org.au/finding-help.

*Disclaimer: I am not qualified to advise you on what to do or give legal assistance in your situation, I can only comment on my own personal experience and those close to me. Please call one of the helplines or seek legal advice before taking action.

The post How To Leave A Domestic Violence Relationship In Six (Not So) Easy Steps appeared first on All Mum Said.

As mentioned in the editorial last week ‘Sexy Time’ when I shared with you a man’s perspective on the very sensitive subject of premature ejaculation I will be sharing a woman’s point of view on the issue, well actually 2 women’s opinions. I would first like to say a huge thank you to both of these women (and the women who emailed me and left comments on their experiences) and also Matt*, all of whom were willing to share their thoughts and experiences with me for the purpose of these posts.

Jane* has been with her husband since she was in her early 20’s (now late 30’s) and admits that when it happened the first few times she put it down to him being an over-excited male who was obviously very eager. However as the months went on and the same thing continued to happen she began to realise that this may be a little more serious than your average enthusiasm when it came to having sex. She started to feel less like a lover and more like a housemate with little to no benefits. Now this could have been the breaking point in their relationship, however Jane decided that she would discuss her concerns with her husband and together they decided that if they wanted to continue to grow as a couple they would require some advice from their GP to help overcome this problem. Since that visit there has been the occasional premature ending however overall Jane is quite satisfied with their now very healthy, active and spontaneous sex life.

 Anne* on the other hand is in a sexless relationship due to constantly feeling disappointed in the bedroom. Ryan* has shut down every attempt of Anne’s to seek help from his doctor which has unfortunately resulted in her no longer wanting to be intimate with him. She has lost that feeling of closeness and connection with Ryan as a consequence and while at first she felt guilty about it, she is now just saddened by the fact that it has had such a negative effect on their relationship.

Every person and relationship will handle this situation differently and while one person may not mind in the slightest, it could be the breaking point for another. If you suffer from premature ejaculation or know someone who does, take control and check out http://www.controlpe.com.au/ or make an appointment to see your GP for more information.

*Names have been changed to protect the privacy of those who shared their stories.

This is a sponsored post but all opinions are my own.

The post Sexy Time – Part 2 appeared first on All Mum Said.

In an attempt to bring more awareness and understanding to health issues we are required to talk about them, write about them, read up on them and most importantly share them. Often it is a topic that people don’t feel should be discussed and kept private like premature ejaculation for example, but this isn’t the case. How are we supposed to learn about it and be more understanding if the subject is taboo or simply laughed at? We all know that there are always two sides to every story and unfortunately it is often only one that we get to hear. I am going to be sharing with you both sides because each are just as important as the other. I have researched and interviewed for this series of posts so that I can provide you with a point of view from both a male and female perspective. Today I will be sharing with you a man’s standpoint on the issue.

Matt* is 36 and is in a great relationship with his girlfriend but he knows he isn’t lasting long enough to satisfy her needs. Chloe* tells him she doesn’t mind and that it’s ok but he feels like he is constantly disappointing her. He has struggled with premature ejaculation for years now and it has destroyed many relationships prior to this one. He admits that this issue has caused emotional and relationship stress in the past and is always concerned that his relationship with Chloe will result in having the same outcome. In previous relationships Matt avoided having sexual relations with his female partners due to the embarrassment that came from his inability to last longer in the bedroom. He went on to tell me that the duration can often vary from 30 seconds – 4 minutes and that he feels like he has little to no control over ejaculating when doing the deed. He wishes he could last longer and that there was more support available to him in order to work out the cause and how he can successfully overcome the issue.

While research does show that women are far less concerned about premature ejaculation than men it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t cause some female partners distress. Premature ejaculation is most common among younger men and while it generally resolves itself over time, it can also start at a later age for reasons unknown to you. If you suffer from premature ejaculation or know someone who does, take control and check out http://www.controlpe.com.au/  or make an appointment to see your GP for more information.

  Please share your thoughts and opinions in the comments below.

*Names have been changed to provide discretion to the wonderful friends and Mad Mummas readers who shared their stories with me.

This is a sponsored post but all opinions are my own.

The post Sexy Time – part 1 appeared first on All Mum Said.

I have recently been asked to write about premature ejaculation to help bring more awareness to the issue. I know it is a very personal topic and I completely understand if you stop reading now however it turns out this is more popular than I thought. To successfully write this article I require a point of view from both a man and a woman. This is where I need your help!! If you wouldn’t mind sharing or emailing me if you have experienced this (from either side) with how it made you feel, how it affected your relationship, why it was happening, did you seek help, etc? I would be extremely grateful!!

*I think it goes without saying that all names will remain confidential*

Thank you so much.

Email: [email protected]

The post VERY PERSONAL – I need your help with some point of views! appeared first on All Mum Said.