A few months ago I broke down. I was a spluttering mess, tears that wouldn’t stop and snot bubbles that would give the Blair Witch Project a run for its money. If it wasn’t so pathetic it would have been hilarious.

I had not long gone from being a full time stay at home mum to my boys and wanting another baby to going back to school, going back to work as a chef, building a house and having so much study to do that I barely left my desk. I hardly recognised my life anymore with so much going on. It seems I missed out on so much time with my kids. In retrospect; I wasn’t missing out that much. My eldest started school this year so he wouldn’t have been home anyway, my husband was still going to work as does and my youngest … well he is really the only one who it has had a reasonable effect. He now gets to go to childcare/preschool 2 days a week which has been a great benefit to him because he is gaining incredible social skills that he wouldn’t have gotten at home.

I however seemed overwhelmed. My life had changed so much, so quickly.

 When did that happen? How did that happen? What was I thinking?

Even as I write this I’m shaking my head in disbelief. There was no logic in why I was so upset. What mum doesn’t want some time to herself? Some independence?

Normally however my idea of time to myself is getting my hair done or going out for lunch. Mind you I would settle for an empty bathroom that I can go to the toilet in peace in but as all us mums know that happens about as often as the cleaning fairy visiting for free or just plain visiting!

I don’t typically get overwhelmed or tearful. I’m tough! Or so I thought. My husband hugged me and gave me the support I needed, we talked and I cried and then I cried some more. I later came to the conclusion that I had yet again under estimated my ability. I had myself believing I couldn’t do it all.

I CAN!

I took a step back, wiped my eyes, popped those snot bubbles and got on with it. I am exceeding any possible expectation I could have dreamed of. Don’t get me wrong it isn’t easy; it is extremely hard work but since that night I have let my stress go (or as much as one can) and have taken on even more.

What else? Well…..

I also started this little blog. When I get the feeling of “please everyone just get the hell away from me and leave me alone” I start to write. I write for my blog, I write for you wonderful fans, I write for my sanity. I write for me! It is my release.

For this I am grateful.