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Things A First Time Parent Needs To Know… What They DON’T Tell You!

Join any of the countless number of Facebook parenting groups and sites and you’ll see them.

The Know-It-Alls.

Those perfect parents who’ve got it all figured out. They are the first to comment with advice about any poor first time parents questions about teething, tantrums or triplets. They’ve painted this perfect picture of a calm house where no one cries, everyone eats their dinner without complaining and the grownups have excellent, not-at-all-robotic sex at least three times a week (twice on Sundays).

Here’s a secret, first time parents.

They’re all completely full of shit.

First time parents laying on bed with baby

What first time parents need to know

You don’t need to waste your time (and kill your self-confidence) by listening to the Know-It-Alls. Because no one knows it all. Parenting is the hardest (and the best) thing you’re ever going to do. It’s tiring and it’s shitty (often literally) and there will be MANY days when you’re sobbing in the corner of your pantry desperately trying to inhale a Peppa Pig branded yoghurt just to feel something.

So, rather than be intimidated by the Know-It-Alls, here’s a little list by a Kind-Of-Know-Some-Stuff.

First Time Parents: Cost vs Use

Babies have psychic access to your credit cards and they are rude. These two things are fact.

The more money you spend outfitting the ‘perfect’ nursery, the more likely it is that you’ll end up being a reluctant co-sleeper when your toddler decides they ‘love the big bed’.

The more money you spend on Christmas and birthday presents, the more likely your child will prefer to play with the wrapping and then whatever the dog is eating.

The more money and time you spend on lovingly preparing perfect hand-made organic food for your cherubs, they more likely they are to refuse all sustenance and instead exist on a diet of oven chips and tomato sauce straight from the bottle.

New parents pregnant holding onesie

First Time Parents: I Swear I Had More Friends Than This

It’s the experience of many first time parents that they lose touch with the friends they had pre-baby.

Babies take up a lot of time and effort and they also take up a LOT of conversation. You’re living and breathing all things baby, so you may find that you’ve got a little less in common with your childless friends.

Rather than be angry or disappointed, recognise that life is a series of stages. Keeping in touch is great and know that, when the time comes, and the stars realign, friends will come back into your life. They might just not really know what to do with a pooey nappy, though.

First Time Parents: Sex

You’ve spent the last couple of months of your pregnancy feeling (and maybe looking) like an asexual manatee and you’re looking forward to getting that bedroom bounce happening again!

But… it might not. And that’s no one’s fault.

Your post-baby sexcapades might be different for a lot of reasons. You might feel differently about your body. You might be way too tired to even consider a midnight (or mid-afternoon – hello!) romp. You just might not bloody feel like it.

All of this is okay. Keep an open dialogue with your partner and be honest about what’s going on.

pregnant woman standing in sun

First Time Parents – Don’t Believe The Hype!

Don’t fall for the Know-It-Alls. They were once just like you (and to be honest, they probably still are). None of us really know what we’re doing but we’re figuring it out as we go along. And you will too!

Got any helpful tips for first time parents? Share away in the comments!



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6 Comments

  1. 29/10/2018 / 8:10 am

    My post tomorrow is about the realities of being a mum and how I went back to teaching as I could not stand being at home with one baby! Denyse x

  2. 29/10/2018 / 9:22 pm

    ROFL: “The more money you spend on Christmas and birthday presents, the more likely your child will prefer to play with the wrapping and then whatever the dog is eating.” SO TRUE!

  3. 30/10/2018 / 12:50 pm

    I love this advice, and the whole ‘playing with the wrapping instead of the presents’ is so true with kids!

  4. 30/10/2018 / 5:33 pm

    I especially love it when the know-it-alls are not parents at all! It’s a whole different ball game in real life – WAY different!

  5. 01/11/2018 / 12:11 am

    I wish someone was honest enough to tell me that most were “completely full of shit” because it is totally true!

  6. 01/11/2018 / 10:49 am

    I wish some one had told me how absolutely full of shit some stuff was before I had kids. I love that this post is completely realistic

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